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I admit, i am difficult


{Thursday, November 1, 2012} 10:07 PM
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If A level was a person, they would feel so loved looking at how much i am sacrificing and giving up because of them

So yesterday i watched Mena Trott's Ted Talks on Blogs. From her blog, i gathered that she was highlighting how blogs can be helpful to record what one feels at a particular day so one can go to that post to find out what they used to feel/think. I thought "hey why didnt i do it" and then i remembered: I tried and i didnt like it. Im not a supporter of going "back to the past" to find out how i previously feel. For one simple reason: whats in the past, stays there. I am not an advocate, a supporter, for smthg that would definitely hurt you. I rather we just forget it.

So in this rare occasion, i'd like to share my process of A levels.
A's is in 4 days, CAN YOU BELIEVE IT CUS I CANT I NEVER SAW MYSELF HERE, EVER. As much as i cant wait for it to end, i am scared like mad for what the qns will be. I really dont want a B cus it meant i was this close to an A but just not good enough. And yet, looking at my competitors, it does affect my morale and confidence. I really really really want that A :(

With A levels so near, i am so scared to do anythg else except for studying. I hear a coughing person and i avoid them because i dont wanna be sick. I sense smthg thats gonna make me sad (a show/a text/a person) and i avoid it in all totality. I even avoid replying tweets or whatsapp cus i didnt wanna be on the social media site for too long. I am even scared TO JUST BREATHE, afraid it'll affect my mood, my health, my strength.

Its like, i have seriously put my life on hold. I am too scared to do anythg because 1) i dont want my mood to be affected 2) i wanna stay healthy through out the ppr. I have so many, too much, i wanna blog about and i cant wait for A's to end so i can do that.

I cant wait to 
  1. get creative
  2. to WATCH TED TALKS
  3. read books
  4. watch documentaries
  5. watch movies
  6. eat junk food
  7. visit my grandma
  8. visit my friends
  9. talk to my sisters
  10. THINK OF SMTHG ELSE BESIDES STUDYING
and most imprtantly,
i want to be able to layan my perasaan. I numbed my feelings cus i didnt want my mood to be affected.

So i cant wait for this to end.

I really hope for it to be worth it.

But i wanna know if what i am doing is enough. I am so scared :(




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