So on 4th of july i spent my night out and i saw the moon!
Omg this was like at 8pm and it was so so so beautiful. Look at the colour, if on my hp it was that bright, imagine seeing it with your own eyes!!!! At that moment i wish i had a powerful camera to capture it as it sees and keep the picture forever.
It was tad too bright to see any stars but the colour of the sky that night was as beautiful as i could have ever imagined.
It was such an amazing event with amazing turn out. There was one point during the event that i was sitting under the shelter and about to move out to sit on the bleachers under the open skies when the clouds itself open up and water kept pouring, showing no sign of letting up. And after the prayers were made, in that instant, the rain stopped. Truly God is great and i was so thankful to have avoided that downpour. But yet... deep in my heart the kid in me wanted to turn around in the rain, kick the puddle and just... get wet. So when the skies opened up for the second time later that night, i rushed to the track and kicked the puddles and running around like a mad kid. I was drenched, all the way till my hair got wait but it was so worth it. I felt this happiness and lightness that i have been missing and for that night, my heart seemed to be filled, my purpose has been met.
It was one of the best night, ever.
So here she is, working like my personal.......................................... assistant (hahaha) and cooking ma tom yam for me
And adding my favourite vegetables!!!
It was great meeting her after so long and i felt we have matured in different, but good ways. Things will be a roller coaster after this as we'll become increasingly busy in our pursuit of education. But with her twitter and instagram, i'll be able to catch up haha (eh instagram is underlined by the red swiggly line, isnt it about time its added to the dictionary too?)The next day, i practically had to drag my exhausted self to school and endure the day. Its silly that we didnt get a break despite it being a marking day but it was too tiring to argue. So we did this painting on a wood to put it up on the wall and i honestly, unexpectedly, had fun.
And this was the end result. We were given themes and ours was memories i think. So we painted this ice cream man cus its relatable to singapore kids, no? It was the cheapest ice cream around and we could afford it with our primary school pocket money so i felt that we met the requirement of the theme.
Later that evening i went out with dem girls and we walked around town, aimless and out of money. We made too with what we had, our humour. It was a great way to spend the day, seeing how that the next time we probably do this is during december.
So matters of the heart,
It does feel nice to be in love, no? Seeing le person who makes you heart skips a beat, smiling shyly from across the room, feeling the heat travelling to your cheeks, laughing at their not so funny jokes, thinking of them when you wake up when you sleep when you bathe eat watch tv texting studying ok practically anywhere everywhere all time anytime. Receiving gifts, sweet exchange of words, seeing them go the extra mile just for you, looking at them smile and know that that smile is just for you and stealing glances at them ok so you get what i mean. It is so nice to be in love, it can even make you flyyyyy~ But as im growing, i realise that there are more things than fulfilling the desires of this heart. Listening to your heart can actually make you go down the wrong path, one that leads you on to worldly happiness that i have come to realise shouldnt be my main priority in this life. "Listen to your heart and then your brain" is so...... not really applicable to everything. The brain is such a powerful tool and the heart is so weak, succumbing to all these desires that does no good to you. It is difficult for the heart, and there is peer pressure too of not having a boyfriend, someone to endure an hour ride to town just to get that pretty hairclip you saw that day, or to walk you home when you end classes late at night. But i have my brother who can fetch me and i have to learn to be independent plus its not like i cant travel there on my own. I actually feel more complete like this, being on my own and i am happy this way. Matters of the heart can wait, when God decides that i am ready. In a way, i realise that my heart is already filled, since there always has been a spot for Him.
And breaking someone's heart breaks my heart too but there is no really easier way to do it. The truth hurts but whether it will heal, we'll see. This change is about me and i need to go through this by myself. And i guess this detachment is required.
And to you who is constantly in my prayers,
I admit, and realise now that my ways has been too imposing, too commanding and too forceful. If this is your method of asking me to back off and not intervene, i will do just that. I will wash my hands of your issues, not interfere in it and just listen and not speak a word if you are to ever talk to me again. I can probably offer you the that much of apology and please know that i truly am sorry for acting like i understand. But i need you to understand this: I care and thus i do this. To me, you are a muslim, then a human, then a friend, then a girl, then a daughter, then a student. It goes in that order. And because you are a muslim, i want to help because i feel its my duty to do so. I will probably never forgive myself if anything ever happens to you, given how much i could said or done to let you know you are not alone. Of course i dont understand what you feel but i've had my fair share of pain, and moment of disbelieve and it takes alot of faith to jumpstart yourself back to the right track. I realise now that you need to do this alone and there is so only so much i can help. So i pray for only the best to happen to you and i will stay away for your affairs.