For the whole of my life i know i want to do smthg that requires me to write, to change people's mind and perspective but now at this supposedly mature age, my mind is still not yet that developed and its not any critical as per yours and definitely not set to changing mindset of others. So i believe its a dream ive to let go, or perhaps i should just refine the dream, make it more specific and realistic. Thats the most important criteria of your dream- realistic.

I seriously do not know what i want to do with my life. I do have some ideas but i cant differentiate whether i want to do it because.. i really really want to do it because its my calling wtsoevr or because i am so influenced by what is around and i THOUGHT i want. The latter is much worse because when you get it already and you realise you dont want it, whats next?

I believe that all of us are influenced, to a large extent or not, by our surrounding. You see your friend have an iphone and you want an iphone. You see her have a boyfriend and you want one too. But when you get it, well sometimes you'll be thinking "thats all? this is the satisfaction level that this thing, or person, can give me?" And this is just the surrounding, the physical surrounding that you can see touch smell. What about technology has to offer, the internet- tumblr, facebook, twitter? This three main platform often show images or stories of what people own and have. When you see, you want. You see a girl that can bake, and "oh i wanna bake too!" You see a girl with wide range of heels, and you want the same collection too. So basically what you want is affected by what people have. What people have you must have.

Same goes for me. I read about people going into teaching, oh i wanna do teaching too. I read of people meeting their future in uni and i wanna save myself till uni too. I read of people going to cambodia for mission, and hey it'll be fun to do that! What i want, i no longer know. Because it is so affected by what is around me and as my surrounding becomes diverse, initially from just spore but now has expanding to the whole nusantara and now getting to the middle east, my wants changes and i dont know what i want and its screwing my mind!

Is this what they call having no direction in life?