During kayaking i capsized and i had to wait to be rescued. I was quite deep in the sea high tide and waves that werent funny afterall(but ppl were laughing, felt like shouting whats your problem had the water not gushed into my mouth). So rescue (eventually) came so i tried my best to hold on but i kept being swept away and the waves washed over me, nearly drowning me. But i held on. They overturned my kayak, emptied the water and all left for me to do was to get up on it. I failed the first time, being in the water too long sucked the energy out of me. I tried again and this time i got swept real far by the waves, away from the rescue people. And i was tired. And scared. With mad waves over me. Thought i would just die. All i wanted to do was to cry. Then i remembered to not panic. I tried swimming to rescue. Had to fight the currents. Mad crazy moment. Head in a total mess. Finally, i decided it was a stupid thing to do, fighting these crazy currents. I took a deep breath and let go of everything and float along with current. I accepted that i was already wet and cold and tired and drinking gallons of sea water like it was the most normal thing to do and after awhile i did reach them. When i climbed onboard the kayak successful the third time, i realised that i learnt a good lesson from it. From now i should just let it be and accept it rather than fighting it. Some things are good to fight it, like laziness and procrastination but others are just sometimes beyond your control. Friends, Fp- to name a few.
Now i am just trying to accept.
I am losing friends. I am losing FP. I am losing the ones i care for.
Besides than that i also learnt i seriously dont like kayaking in a big way since it gives me such sickness i cant tolerate. Till i didnt go out for raya today. But its not like i wanted anyway.