I dont really like telling about my personal stories, my true feelings, im trying not to be like that anymore. But what happened last few days made me wanna talk about it, about my true feelings so lucky you who gets to read cus i may add a few details on fp and the rest of the boys that fall in btwn loooooooooool

School has been hectic. With pw lingering, waiting for me to embrace it, i was working like mad trying to keep up with the assignments and constant revision. I tried so hard till i didnt sleep or eat enough and thus fall sick. I was sick on good friday, on weekends and the past two days of this week. It sucked so bad that i spent my days just lying down rolling around and tears on my face. I couldnt get up, my head too light and in a constant crazy spin. I couldnt eat, my stomach wont take. I couldnt sleep, i had too much of it after some time. So i just lied down and contemplate about my luck and dream of those days i was well.

I tried so hard to be well on that good friday. I tried to carry myself up, tried to eat, tried to do anythg just to make myself better. I failed. I ended up too tired or too dizzy till it got unbearable. I fell asleep hoping it will all be gone on saturday. Saturday morning my head was so light i had never felt that way ever(or maybe i did but just forgot). My stomach hurt, worse than previous days and the fever came back. Oh the horror. I was hot everywhere. On my arms, my chest, my tummy. My pillows got hot, my blanket, my bed, everything was hot. I was so sad i cried. I cried and cried and finally muster the strength to text nin that i was sorry.

Saturday was suppose to be my day out with lil fam. Ive been looking forward to it since nin told me abt the performance. I wanted to go out with them so bad, to feel like we're sixteen again, to feel happy. Even though no one probably rmbr me but i rmbr them and i wanted to go out with so bad so so bad that i cried so hard, cried hot tears down my hot face cus i simply didnt have the strength to go. I felt so weak and so angry at myself. That became the turning point.

I mustered strength throughout the day and finally at night i got out of bed and entered myself into a cold shower. I cried then too, cried for all the pain i was feeling, cried for the saturday wasted not with lil fam, cried for the heartbreaks, cried for everythg that made me sad. I cried and endured the pain and finally when i got out, i quickly changed and fell flat on the bed and slept quite peacefully.

Amazingly, i woke up the next morning without the hotness. I wasnt having the fever anymore but my stomach hurt so bad. And my throat too. I couldnt get up cus now my stomach was in so much pain. I decided it was silly to hold it back together and while i still could i went to the doctor and this is what he said "oh my dear girl you have stomach flu". I stared at him and nearly cried. I told him to gave me any medicine capable of making me well cus i didnt wanna go hospital again. I was so scared i'd get admitted that i took every medicine available for stomach flu. I got home ate medicine dutifully and did what i do go these past few days, resting.

Now today i am well and it feels like a miracle. It is such a wonder that i was so sick that i thought i was gonna die a few days ago. And now i am so well that it was as though i was never sick. I guess there was so good to me being sick, i had time to reflect.