Hi yesterday morning i woke up and went to sch. My legs hurt with every step i take and yet i went because. I thought that the pain would go away and that i'd just disappear and i'd be too busy focusing in class not to notice the pain but noooooooooooo . The pain was all i could think off. Everytime i had to go up the stairs or go down the stairs, i'd wanna cry. I didnt of cors cause thats jst too attention seeking. I dropped my calculator and i cant picked it up myself, i felt so useless. I didnt wanna sit in class cause the sensation in my legs made me prefer to stand. Shakti's hand had my fingernails mark cause i held on to him for dear life when i went down the stairs. I went to sch despite my body aching all over. I wanted to cry, i wanted to make someone send me home. But i cant, i cant because. I went to sch and i went through it all. Today i woke up. I fucking woke up eventhough it took a fucking whole strength from me to get up. I bathed, i had to literally drag myself to the toilet. I didnt wanna go to sch, my legs hurt more than yesterday but i pushed myself because. And then, it happened. It happened so fast and in that instant i know i could not go to sch despite all the because in the world. I cried, i got myself out and cried to sleep. I cried for my legs that was in pain, i cried for being so stubborn, i cried because i didnt wanna accept the fact that i was really in pain. I cried and i cried till i slept.
Now the pain is getting worst and despite all the medication i put on my leg, i've yet to feel it function properly. I hope tonight's rest will make it all better.
I wont luv you the way you luv me. I've already given my heart away. This friendship is all i can offer eventhough now it wont be the same cause of the way you look at me. Please listen, please understand that i want you as a friend. Please care for me as a friend, not as a lover. Please pretend that you dont luv me, please pretend that you're not trying to show it. Please dont ask me why, please dont ask me what you're lacking. I cant take it, i cant take it with all the ppl telling me why i cant give you the chance, why im doing this to you. Please understand. Please dont make me do it, please dont make me ignore you completely, please dont make me answer you're qns. Please?
My leg hurts and all i can tink about is you. You knw how to make me feel better. I need you but i sound too selfish. You dont need me in your life, how can i possibly feel that i need you?