Hi yesterday was Suki's party and i enjoyed it cause it was free mkn! Hahah ceh tak lah, cause i met my friends and had fun and eat nice food and took beautiful pictures. Sorry lah if my face a lil bit too not nice and i look like screw up in it. I was too busy having fun lah eh.
Hmm yesterday night Ain asked me why i was like moody thru out the party. And i gave her part of the reason. The other part is cause of class tee. Exactly, can u believe, cause of the class tee i moody tau. Its not my responsibility lah in the first place tapi check2 now its upon me and suddenly i have to get it done. My teacher said its being noted abt who's doing it all and stuff, well hello excuse me , like as though i dont have enuf stuff to be written about in my testimonial-.- I told my teacher that if the class cant be bothered, neither can i. Truth is im tired, i tried to please almost everyone and it doesnt seem to work. At the end of the day, the shirt will have a totally different design from how i started it to be like. The best part , one of my classmate told me he didnt like the design and i asked for his suggestion and he told me he dont have any but just change it. I stared dumbfoundedly at him. I wanted to scream, but mostly i wanted to cry. While he, and the rest of my classmates were busy revising for tests and doing hmwk, i had to find time to think of a design for the class tee. They think its so easy but they dont have any idea how much time it took me to think of a design and do it on the web. Yes you may say, THEN DONT DO IT LAH! But you see, this is my class, im part of it. Im contributing, im giving it my best to live up the spirit but its seems like the rest just cant be bothered. I want our class to atleast agree on smthg, i wanted all of us to have t-shirt that we at least want to wear. But its so impossible. No one knows but everyday i tink of the class tee design. Yes im obsess with it, so what. I want my class to have a nice tee, smthg that represent us as a 4A. And nw when i tink of it, i dont knw what to represent 4A as. I've been stressed all week thinking hw to solve the problem. How to find a supplier, how to get the right price and material, how to get the design that everyone want to wear, and most importantly, when to go to the shops to get it printed. I feel like crying, its like my classmates are not enthusiastic about the design. That friday, i nearly wanted to cry and scream at my classmates. But i held back. I have to keep myself together, i have to try to please almost everyone with the design. Truth is, im breaking down. The more i think of the design, and to come up with smthg to represent 4A, the more im losing it. I alrdy dont knw what i tink of 4A now.
Idk why im saying all this, but i just need to say it somewhr. If someone was to ask me, "so what you want? u want your class to follow the design u created?" i wouldnt knw what to ans. Im not sure of what i want alrdy.
To me, class tee is a big thing. Its something i would want to see and smile at. I want to see my class tee in years to come and find myself saying "Oh 4A, amazing incredible 4A". I dont want to find bad memories when i tink of 4A. The design we have now, i so wouldnt mind to wear it on sports day, but on other days? I'd probably be a lil bit hesitant. I dont knw how its suppose to define us, i dont tink its working.
To me, class tee is a big thing. Its something i would want to see and smile at. I want to see my class tee in years to come and find myself saying "Oh 4A, amazing incredible 4A". I dont want to find bad memories when i tink of 4A. The design we have now, i so wouldnt mind to wear it on sports day, but on other days? I'd probably be a lil bit hesitant. I dont knw how its suppose to define us, i dont tink its working.
I am saying all this with a heavy heart, cause if that someone-okay straight to the point- if my teacher or any other teacher for that matter reads this, im sure they would wanna talk to me and set things out or smthg lah. Its not like i didnt try to change the design, i did but he insisted we had decide it as a class. Okay i accept that, we decided as a class, so be it.
Im not complaining, im not resenting the fact that i hve to do this of all ppl. I jst want to say whats in my heart and what i feel. I want to have a good memory of 4A. Thats my wish.
I've given my best in doing the design and trying to fulfill to almost everyone's needs but its not working. That friday when i said that i couldnt be bothered if the class cant be bothered, i lied. I fcking care too much to let it go and just do an anyhow design. All i wanted to hear from my teacher was "Okay anisah, just do it and show us, we're behind you" and not a 5 minute long lecture.
Today i didnt manage to complete my hmwk, nor got time to eat. I was at RP and thinking of class tee design. When i got home, i was searching and searching and searching for webs that has the application to write the russian words and 4 hours later i still cant find it.
I really want to make it work, i really want to enjoy my time being a 4A. I am trying, my very best but i jst cant seem to feel it.....
):
Suddenly it just didnt matter anymore.
Nights,