"Maybe when things start looking up, then will my moods brighten up too"
Why are humans so greedy? Come on, dont try to deny, i know i am. We keep asking for more, we just dont appreciate what we have! Why cant we be happy with what we want? Why must we always keep wanting more and more and more? Greedy is never a good attitude, then why am i so greedy? Does that mean im no good? I dislike it when i keep asking for more. I know i just have to appreciate and cherish what i alrdy have, but i just cant help it! I want more out of these. Im not saying it all isnt enough, but a little more would be nice.
Damn it! Why are humans just so greedy?!
I think i might like this lifestyle. Forget what i say about being sick is not nice and all, i think i can get use to this. This nausea, the vomitting and coughing, i think i can handle it well now. I'd rather sit at home and laze around rather than face the stressful school plus all of the other human-beings. Makes me feel like i have to rush, like i have to be on the ball of my feet(?) so that i would end up last, makes me feel so insecure and weak and incapable............ At home i have all the time, all the things i wanna eat, all the tv i can watch, all the computer games i can play.. Why didnt i discover this lifestyle earlier? I would have grown up to be a much happier kid.
And sometimes you know how we tend to forget things, and when we do remember, it just doesnt matter anymore? Its too late then, feelings has been hurt, tears have been shed. How people take things for granted, how i take things for granted, will only cause them to be at a losing end at the end of the day. When that person finally say what you have been wanting them to say, it suddenly just become unimportant anymore, like it doesnt makes sense anymore, like it is suddenly so MEANINGLESS. It just doesnt matter anymore, cause they are too late alrdy. Forget the "memories", forget the "times", forget the "moments", cause it all just doesnt matter, you're too late, it has now become so MEANINGLESS.
Damnit, i sound so depressed, i need to get a counsellor :O
And besides that, have you ever felt that you just wanted to run away from something so badly that you would do anything, anything, just to avoid it? Thats what im feeling now. I hate it so much, that i would do anything, anything to stop it. I would go that far to end it all, and even if it doesnt end, i want to be no where near it anymore. But now, as i sit and think back, i ask myself, is it worth all the trouble? Is it worth all the sacrifices, is it worth my anything? I smirk and realise how foolish ive been. Its so goddamn stupid that its not worth anythg, not even my time thinking about it.
Forget it all, like i said, it doesnt matter.
Its the thought that counts, not any other thing.
Think about it, its you that hasnt been all this while ;)